Have you ever felt a passion deep within and just knew it came from above? With a little persistence, patience and prayer you felt God would fulfill those desires. Have you watched those same dreams crash and burn when they didn’t come to fruition?
For an entire year, I was sure God placed a yearning in my heart He intended to bring to pass. I had entry after entry in my journal of “coincidences” (which I don’t believe in) happen. I heard from other trusted Christian friends on their opinion of the situation and it paralleled with mine. I earnestly fasted, prayed and read the word. I had done everything I knew to do to make sure my feelings were aligned with God’s will and that I heard from Him and not just my own longings.
But, I didn’t end up with what I prayed for. How could I have been so wrong about something which felt so right? Reflecting back, it could have been either of the following:
- God used this particular circumstance to draw me into a deeper walk with Him. I was in such need of clarity and direction that I literally cried out to Him time after time. In so doing, it revealed His sufficiency in my shakiness and also strengthened my spiritual muscles.
- As real as the Lord is, so is the enemy. Satan knows our frail and vulnerable areas and will use every tactic to create idols and distract us from God. My own cravings became so strong that I fed them which caused discernment to weaken. We must feast on more of the peace that comes from God while we starve the disorder from the devil.
Intuition, hunches and feelings are all good things that God has gifted us with. They can be used to guide us on the right course. However, if we let them control our every move without solid leading from the Holy Spirit, it will deviate us from where He truly wants to take us and confusion will follow. Those who walk in wisdom will be delivered. (Proverbs 28:26)
God doesn’t withhold from His children who walk uprightly unless it is to bring something better and more glorifying to Him. (Ps. 84:11) God’s denial is the door to our destiny.
In hindsight, I now see how that long and painful season produced much growth and built my character. The Lord wants us all to become more Christ like and oftentimes that means swimming upstream through the waters of uncertainty. He asked me a question that will ring true for all of us in any and every circumstance: “Whether you receive a yes or no to your prayer, will you continue to trust me?”
Not only did I learn such an invaluable lesson on faith, but, in all His goodness and true to His word, God delivered so much more than I could have asked for or imagined. (Ephesians 3:20) And, I can honestly say now, it was all worth it.
Heavenly Father, thank you for giving me life and for knowing what is best long before I do. Forgive me when I doubt and question your good and perfect will. Help me to trust in you and contain my own feelings as I submit to your leading. In Jesus’ name, Amen.